Journey Update



I found this picture appropriate for my update post. Many things have happened to me, both good and the perceived bad.

I’ll start with March. In March, my grandmother passed away. It was a weird time for me. Though I loved her,  we were not close. Mainly because I’m a bit of a loner and also because of religious differences. It’s hard to be around anyone and not be able to be yourself.  I didn’t attend her funeral due to being on bed rest. A week prior I had become very ill due to pcos issues. So I feel bad for not saying goodbye. Yet, if she knew me, she would have rejected me. So this was weighing on my heart.

April, I decided I was going to start running.  I enjoyed the freedom of it. Not to mention it’s liberating. After a few weeks I injured my knee. So I took a break. I mainly focused on writing and tried to get back to painting.  Needless to say, I’m nearly done with my poetry book and I plan to publish it on smashwords. So look for it in the future. Oh yeah, did I mention Skye had a litter of pups. They’re the cutest little pups.

May was going great til one morning I awoke with chest pains. I thought I was having a heart attack. I was admitted to the hospital, though my heart was completely healthy. So doctors spent 4 days trying to figure out why I was having pain. Due to my allergies they couldn’t perform certain tests. So finally, they figure out that my blood is overly thick and clotting badly. So I was given injections. Which honestly helped tremendously. They didn’t figure out what was causing my blood to clot. I’m now on blood thinners til, well forever I guess. I will be seeing a specialist soon, so hopefully he’ll figure it out. So may was my second near death experience. I never realized how much I wanted to live til I almost died. So this experience gave me a new outlook on life and it’s value. It was also humbling.

In June and July,  I actually spent most of my time in silence, reflecting, and clearing away negativity. It was refreshing. I also went back to the basics spiritually. I mainly read books by Pema Chödrön and the teachings of Buddha. This helped me in so many ways. It especially helped me to heal from past tragedies.

Is it funny that I don’t remember what I did last month? I think it was day by day of nothingness.

My point of posting all of this is because in the last several months I have gotten to know me much better. I’ve been in awe of life and it’s many wonders. I’ve grown to appreciate my hard times and to keep on celebrating regardless. So I’m in a good place. I’m at peace with myself.

About Dezzie

I'm a pretty down to earth person. Most see me as a hippy:) I enjoy gardening,reading,writing,and painting. I love animals and being outside in nature. I love stargazing and enjoy dancing in the rain. I'm deeply spiritual,very eclectic,and enjoy meeting new people. I created this blog as a way to write about my journey and to connect with others whom have similar paths. I am currently in the process of becoming vegan,trying to heal my pcos,finding myself,starting over, and ultimately raising my consciousness. I decided recently I truly want to live. So I'm taking the steps to become and be the person I desire to be. I'm working on loving me and letting go of my past.

4 responses »

  1. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot the past few months. I’m glad you didn’t die and you are still here to tell us all that you are now in a good place. Loving ourselves is one of the hardest things we have to learn how to do, in fact, I’m still working on this one, myself. I wish you the best on your journey and I pray that you can get some relief or even heal your PCOS. Hang in there, girl. You got this. Take care xxx 🙂

    • Thank you for your kind comment. I’ve been doing a lot better this past month. I’ve made some significant changes. I also started seeing a therapist. My stress levels have improved. I’m praying to reverse my pcos and insulin resistance. Hopefully, by this time next year my life and health will be much.

  2. I see 3 different therapists because I have so many chronic illnesses. One is for anything and everything. The 2nd one is for all my pain issues, and then I go to a DBT group. That’s a lot of therapy, but it sure helps and makes a big difference. I’ll be praying for you. Keep swimming. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can to get “better.” I know it can get very frustrating at times. Take care. xxxx 🙂

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