Where do I begin? Today has been such a rollercoaster ride for me emotionally. I woke up feeling so much despair and sorrow. I’m not sure why since the day before was quite positive. Needless to say since my mind was in full control creating panic and anxiety, I decided to chant. Chanting has always made me feel calm and peaceful. So I chant the Gayatri Mantra. I feel elevated and my soul becomes silent. This is great right…well yes of course silence is always wonderful.
So after an hour of chanting. I meditate, and all is well in my little world. Little do I know, a storm is brewing. So my boyfriend…well that’s not the best title since he and I are not in a traditional situation. So maybe roommate would be better. Anyways, we have a brief argument. I don’t know why, but I allowed him to affect me so deeply. In that moment, it’s as if my life flashes before my eyes and I realize I’ve been doing this my whole life. Toxic relationships and friends…why do I subject myself to this insanity? Surely, this isn’t love and I doubt it has anything to do with love. So what is causing me to be so self destructive? I’m not afraid to be alone, but I don’t know what else it could be. So I pondered this all today. The more thought about it, the more my mind begin spewing those lovely lies it likes to tell. I don’t know what I’d do with no-mind…wait, I’d be happy. So I end up binge eating and feeling absolutely horrid. Sometime afterwards I look in the mirror and just cry. As I stare at myself, some strong emotion comes and says” I will not go easily into the night. So get your shit together and trust that everything will be alright”. So the tears dry up and I have this thought “What I need is a new hobby”.
Afghan I want to make
My last painting
I have so much free time these days and I needed to start taking advantage of it. So I browse the net for something new to do (outside of painting and writing). So I see this beautiful afghan and I think,” Hey I can do that”. So I go to Hobby Lobby and buy supplies. So after picking up a beginners kit, how to dvd, and yarn I return home. I read the book, watch the dvd and begin. As soon as these two see me pull out the yarn, the party begins.
Gaara and Fanta
So needless to say I kept shooing them away. After 20 minutes of being attacked I gave my furballs a roll of yarn. Then started again. Ok, this is not as easy as it looks. I decided to spend sometime on youtube cause I need all the help I can get.