So today as I was surfacing through my news feed on Facebook I happen to come across a post by Mooji. This post came at the perfect time. I was sitting, listening to music and thinking about the age old question “Who am I “? Well I’ve been on a journey of self discovery for many years now and the one thing I noticed about my past is I identified myself with my environment, religion, family and etc. For the last few years I’ve been stripping it all away because I know that I am not those things. The crazy battle I had trying to be everyone’s everything, yet being nothing was a hard lesson I learned.
So now when I reflect upon the words of Mooji I finally understand the depth of non-duality and the purposeful journey I am on.
Here’s the excerpt posted by Mooji today.
” When you realise the Self, you are free. Freedom means somehow: You are always in peace, you are not being peaceful. You are always kind, you are not being kind. You are always the Self.. Not sometimes. Not mostly. And then your ‘ And then’ – stories are over. There is no ‘ And then’ for the Self. What is it like inside the body? It’s like you are space moving about in space, but not just dry, phenomenal space … Spirit Space. Intelligent space. Your mind is always quiet. Even if it is momentarily troubled, it will swiftly return to its natural peacefulness for that is the true state of the mind. You experience all emotions, even anger, even sorrow but they are momentary – they don’t become routine states. You perceive all energetically. Your intuitive powers open up. You understand things that cannot be explained. Your being will not feel glued in this body – it can move about and occupy different positions of being. You don’t judge other people – not deeply. Whatever comes, bitter or sweet, your being will embrace it as Grace. Such will be your good fortune.”
Monte Sahaja, 18th of December 2012
I absolutely love this quote by Mooji. Honestly it couldn’t have come at a better time. My beloved Fanta passed away yesterday evening. I know many around me don’t understand how I could love a cat so much, but to me she was family. She gave me a reason to live when I thought I couldn’t make it after my divorce . She was my closest friend and my companion. I have not felt this much sorrow on many years, but in some ways I’m happy for these bitter tears. I’m sure there’s some great lesson I’m suppose to learn from all this, but right now all I feel is heartache. I have lost my best friend, but I know she will live on in all the wonderful memories she has left behind. So this post is for Fanta Marie, my heart, my dearest friend, you are loved deeply and truly will be missed greatly. I know you are in a better place and I’m sure we will be together again.
I recently (as in last night) started reading No Water, No Moon by Osho, and this book is simply amazing. So I decided to share some of it’s wisdom with you all. Here’s the excerpt I read that convinced me to read this :
”Are you not tired enough with the mind? Then retire! Has not the mind done enough? Has the mind not created enough chaos in you? Why are you clinging to it? What hope, what promise, makes you cling to it? It has been deceiving you continuously. It said, “There – that goal, in that possession, in that house, in that car, in that woman, in those riches – is everything.” And you moved, and when you reached, nothing came into your hands except frustration. Every expectation led you to frustration. Every desire became in the end a sorry affair, a sadness resulted.
And this mind has been promising you and promising you – no promise has been fulfilled, but you never say to the mind, “You deceiver, stop!” You are afraid of saying that.
Once it happened…
Mulla Nasruddin came out of the village tavern, and the new priest saw him – he was passing by on the road. The new priest said, “Nasruddin, you are a religious man. What do I see? You are coming out of such a place? My son, drink is of the Devil. And when the Devil invites you again, refuse. Why don’t you refuse?”
Nasruddin said, “Reverend, I would like to refuse, but the Devil may get sore and may not invite me again.”
That’s the problem. You would like to refuse this mind; this mind has never fulfilled anything,but you are afraid – the mind may get sore, will not promise you again. Then…? You cannot live without promises, you cannot live without hope –this is the mechanism.
Unless you are ready to live without hope, you cannot become religious. Even your so-called religions are nothing but hopes created by the mind. Are you ready to live without hope? Are you ready to live without the future? Then simply there is no need to retire; the mind retires itself. Then there is no clinging with the mind. But you are afraid – the mind may get sore. And the mind is the Devil and may not offer again, then what will you do?
People come to me, they think their search is religious – their search is still mental. They are still moving in the dark valleys of the mind, they are still listening to the mind, they are hoping. They have hoped through money, and they have failed; they have hoped through sex, they have failed. They have hoped in many, many ways, and they have failed. Now they hope through meditation, now they hope through a master, but the hoping is there. And remember well: ifyou hope through me, you will miss me. I cannot fulfill your hopes.
Why not leave hoping? Why do you hope? What is the basis of it? Discontent becomes hope; this is the disguise – because here and now you are so much in discontent, so much in misery, that you need some hope in the future. That hope will help you to move. You can somehow tolerate the present; through hoping, you can tolerate the present; hope is anesthesia. The present is miserable, painful; hope is alcoholic, it is a drug, it makes you unconscious enough so you can tolerate the present.
Hope means here and now there is discontent. But have you ever looked at the whole phenomenon? Why are you discontented here and now in the first place? Why? – because you hoped in the past, that’s why here and now you are in discontent. This today was tomorrow yesterday. Yesterday you hoped for today because it was tomorrow then. Now that hope is not fulfilled, so you are in misery, frustrated. And to hide this misery, to somehow pass today, you are again hoping for the tomorrow.
You are in a rut, and in such a rut that it will be very difficult to come out of it. Tomorrow the same will happen: you will be frustrated because mind can promise but can never fulfill. Otherwise, there was no need for meditation; then Buddha was a fool meditating.
If mind can fulfill, then all meditators are foolish, then all enlightened persons are fools because mind cannot fulfill. When they come to understand the whole mechanism and the whole misery of it… This is the mechanism: yesterday mind promised you that something is going to be delivered to you tomorrow. Now the tomorrow has come, it is today, and the mind has not delivered. You are in misery, your expectations are frustrated. Now the mind says, “Tomorrow I am going to deliver.” The mind again promises. And what type of stupidity is this, that you again listen to the mind? And tomorrow the same mechanism will be repeated – it is a vicious circle.
You listen to the mind, you become miserable, otherwise, this today is paradise! And there is no other paradise, this today is nirvana. If you had not listened to the mind… Just don’t listen to the mind, then you are not in misery because misery cannot exist without expectations and without hopes. And when misery exists you need more hopes for it, to hide it, to live somehow. Live hopelessly – then you are a religious man, then you are retired.”
This excerpt truly got me thinking about hope and what it truly means. Hoping for things and wishful thinking have become a norm in my life. So this book pointed me back the present…the here and now. I’m only on chapter 3, but already I have found myself crying. Looking at the woman in the mirror is always so unsettling, but it is something I must do. I highly recommend this book if you are on a path of self discovery or even if you’re simply looking for ways to improve your life.
So here lately, I’ve been truly focused on living in the present. I never realized how much my mind wonders everywhere except the present. I guess you could call this an experiment. I wanted to see what I was clinging to subconciously. Apparently, I’m a serious clinger. I realized that by keeping myself busy, I was avoiding dealing with my issues. I was rushing ahead to the future and trying to plan out my next year. Then it hit me, why am I rushing and so focused on tomorrow? My guess, yet another projection of the mind that it’s important. What I mean is, it was all a lie. My motives were not well placed. So I decided to slow down to snail pace and just listen.
In the process of my slowdown a friend shared with me 2 Mooji videos, which I blogged separately below. They truly helped me. I was losing sight of my path. Somehow, I started longing for something more than what I percieved I needed. Turns out this too, was a lie. Well I think I finally got near to the root as to why my relationships fail. Its the projections. I don’t think I truly get to know people. I meet their facade, then mix it with my projection, and hocus pocus here’s the new love of my life…lol. Also throw in some fear for good measure. Then I regret it or continuously try to fix the person because they don’t measure up to my ideal…also known as illusion.
So as I strive to get to know me more and more daily I realize how complex and insane I am. Why do I have to be so complicated, and what purpose does it serve? I think these are all the minds games. I don’t have to be any of these things. It goes back to choices. I’ve been running on auto pilot for years, and now I want to control my path and destination. I want to live in Blissland…lol. So how is that possible? Well first, no more auto pilot. Secondly, no more self delusion. Third, slow down…simplicity. Fourth, drop desire and attachments. I saved the hardest for last. Desire and attachments, this is what creates so much suffering. I don’t want to suffer anymore. So I have to find away to be conscious and aware 24/7 vs falling for maya. Needless to say many lessons have been learned over the last few days. I have an ego problem. I need a ego anoymous group meeting to attend…lol. The journey continues and I’m sure as time passes I will grow into a more aware individual. Til then I will continue to use my time studying,praying,chanting,meditating, writing and of course enjoying my kitties;-)