Last year was a crazy year for me. So I’ll start from where I left off. My lifestyle changes has basically reversed pcos. I rarely have symptoms at all. I’ve lost over a 147lbs and I’m feeling great. I am still following a keto lifestyle, because it has worked great for my pcos issues. So health wise I’m in great shape.
This past June, I discovered my fiancé was having an affair with his best friend’s wife. Needless to say I was extremely hurt and angry. He decided to tell me on our 7 yr anniversary. It didn’t go well. I kicked him out of my home, took back the mobile phone I bought him and changed my locks. The first few weeks was a struggle because I hadn’t lived alone in many years. Plus, he called incessantly wanting to work things out. I ultimately decided I was better off alone. So instead of dealing with his foolishness, I went back to university. I’m working towards a degree in laboratory science. It’s a major change for me. I’m doing great in university though. I have realized I can achieve anything as long as I believe in myself. I’m an A student and to my amazement I’m getting married next month to an amazing man. He literally swept me off my feet. Funny thing is I was so anti-relationships, and was actually enjoying dating. He didn’t take no for an answer. He told me on our first date I’m his future wife. I laughed and dismissed it as a joke. However, he was very serious. Once I started dating him, I stopped dating others. He is a very determined man lol. I’m happily in love. My family adores him and he fits in well. We have started building a life together the past few months and we’re both going through a transformation of sorts. So my life is going well and I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been.
Thank you all for all of your support, prayers and emails. To those who are going through hard times, don’t give up, believe in yourself, trust your instincts and continue moving forward no matter what obstacles may come.
Latest pictures down below:)
Most recent pic
I’ve managed to successfully lose nearly a hundred 100lbs this past year. Several things have changed in my pursuit of getting healthy. I have been following a ketogenic plan recommended by my doctor. So far it has been the best decision I’ve made. My lab work improved and my hormones are balanced. Although, I suffer from reactive hypoglycemia my insulin resistance is still an issue. My glucose is always between 80-90, but my body continues over producing insulin. Hopefully, overtime my pancreas will get the memo and behave normally lol.
These are a few selfies I’ve taken in the past few months. My face is slimmer.
Oh yeah, I’ll post pictures of my latest crochet project I’m working on. It’s about half way finished. It’s a baby/toddler blanket made of wool/cashmere blended yarn.
This is before I started adding in the black.
So many things have transpired in my life the last 2 weeks so this will be a lengthy post. I spent the holiday season mostly being sick and depressed. The sickness was due to symptoms of PCOS. Which had a trickle down effect and ultimately I ended up very depressed.
I have made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle in the pursuit of healing. At the end of October I actually had lost nearly 40lbs . So I was feeling great. Then I decided to visit my doctor for a routine check up and blood work. Well needless to say he convinced me to try a medicine that supposedly has been helping many women with Pcos. So I decided to try it for 2 weeks. After a week and a half I turned green, had extreme fatigue, and thought I was dying. After some additional research I only found one other person who had the same reaction. I immediately stopped all meds, spoke to my doctor and went on a detox. After nearly 3 months my color is almost back to normal. I’m still dealing with fatigue but it will pass soon. So my holiday was beyond depressing and for the first time in years I wanted to just give up. I’m so exhausted of being sick.
However, on new years day I turned 33 and my dad told me something that really made me smile. He said ” You’re my hero and this world is blessed to have you “. Honestly, I never knew my dad thought so highly of me. After spending nearly the whole day with my parents, I felt encouraged and inspired. Their perspective of me is drastically different from what I see. So I’ve decided to make some goals for the year. My main goal has always been my health but this year I’m going to focus more on being happy regardless of my circumstances. I guess you could say my year ended on a good note. A friend posted the image below on Facebook and as usual I decided to share.
Also thank you all so very much for your loving support. You are truly appreciated.
Where do I begin? Today has been such a rollercoaster ride for me emotionally. I woke up feeling so much despair and sorrow. I’m not sure why since the day before was quite positive. Needless to say since my mind was in full control creating panic and anxiety, I decided to chant. Chanting has always made me feel calm and peaceful. So I chant the Gayatri Mantra. I feel elevated and my soul becomes silent. This is great right…well yes of course silence is always wonderful.
So after an hour of chanting. I meditate, and all is well in my little world. Little do I know, a storm is brewing. So my boyfriend…well that’s not the best title since he and I are not in a traditional situation. So maybe roommate would be better. Anyways, we have a brief argument. I don’t know why, but I allowed him to affect me so deeply. In that moment, it’s as if my life flashes before my eyes and I realize I’ve been doing this my whole life. Toxic relationships and friends…why do I subject myself to this insanity? Surely, this isn’t love and I doubt it has anything to do with love. So what is causing me to be so self destructive? I’m not afraid to be alone, but I don’t know what else it could be. So I pondered this all today. The more thought about it, the more my mind begin spewing those lovely lies it likes to tell. I don’t know what I’d do with no-mind…wait, I’d be happy. So I end up binge eating and feeling absolutely horrid. Sometime afterwards I look in the mirror and just cry. As I stare at myself, some strong emotion comes and says” I will not go easily into the night. So get your shit together and trust that everything will be alright”. So the tears dry up and I have this thought “What I need is a new hobby”.
Afghan I want to make
My last painting
I have so much free time these days and I needed to start taking advantage of it. So I browse the net for something new to do (outside of painting and writing). So I see this beautiful afghan and I think,” Hey I can do that”. So I go to Hobby Lobby and buy supplies. So after picking up a beginners kit, how to dvd, and yarn I return home. I read the book, watch the dvd and begin. As soon as these two see me pull out the yarn, the party begins.
Gaara and Fanta
So needless to say I kept shooing them away. After 20 minutes of being attacked I gave my furballs a roll of yarn. Then started again. Ok, this is not as easy as it looks. I decided to spend sometime on youtube cause I need all the help I can get.
Today…hmmm…what can I say it’s been a quiet adventure. I tried to spend an hour chanting today. For whatever reason I just couldn’t focus. I guess it was all the wierd dreams I had that really was distracting me. Why would there be green beans and potatoes be under the hood of a red mustang?? I feel like my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. Hmm….something like hey check under your hood before you start your car. Oh that’s right, I don’t own a car. Maybe it’s related to this new journey I’m starting. Either way it was a strange dream that has had me puzzled all day.
Ok so back to the chanting, I managed to do 30 min. My beloved lil fluffy man Gaara decided he wanted to chant too. So needless to say he climbs into my lap and starts meowing constantly. So finally I finish,look down and pet him. Oh, you didn’t want to chant, you say, you wanted to play with my ear gauges…lol. Ok here’s the brief back story. A few days ago I wake up and find one of my plugs is missing from my ear. I look in and around the bed for it, but no luck. So I put in some tiger’s eye plugs and move on with my day. Then around noon, my lil fluffy is seen spinning something around on the bathroom floor. He’s going crazy, running everywhere, having the time of his life. Guess what his new toy is? Yep, that’s right my jade plug. So after he goes to re-hydrate I decide to clean it and put it with the other one. This morning, I decided to put my jade plugs in. I guess Gaara isn’t having it. So I’m back to one jade plug, til my order comes in. Can you say spoiled kitty:)
Today I also had the best peaches ever. I felt like, hey I can be a fruitarian, but my body said”No way”. Needless to say after 2 peaches I hurt all over…Damn you insulin resistance and PCOS. So I have to limit even the good stuff. Perhaps one day I’ll be allowed in peach heaven:)
After my brief despair I started reading the Tao of Pooh. Why, you may ask? Well isn’t obvious…who doesn’t love Winnie? I’ve read this book twice and it always makes me smile. It’s a good read as well. After my tango with Winnie, I moved on to the salsa with Osho and started reading Above all Don’t Wobble. So far it has been a good read. It has already forced me to look at the chic in the mirror. It’s time to dump some luggage and pack lite. So I need to simplify my life. Devote myself totally to this process. No half stepping. Now I’m rewriting my agenda,and goals. I know one thing for sure…well several things actually.
1. I’m going to Greece
2. I’m going to follow a healthy vegan lifestyle
3. I need to remove toxic people from my life
4. I have to lose weight
5. No more excuses
6. I come first
7. I’m moving…I need adventure,culture,laughter,love and a healthy environment.
So those are the things I figured out today. I’ve been procrastinating and putting aside my life for my family,a broken relationship and fear.
These are so motivating for me. At the least it gives me a different perspective on my life,journey and ultimately the path I have chosen to take. Even though I am feeling unwell,I am going to focus on moving forward,acceptance,and self love. Today I will get back to chanting the Gayatri mantra. It is the first mantra I learned several years ago. Over the last few months I have truly slacked off due to depression and stress. I have learned many Buddhist, andHindu mantras through the years. I figured something out only recently…I need to focus on one thing at a time. So I’m devoted to chanting the Gayatri mantra for the next 6 months. After that maybe I will chant the Moola,Shiva,Ganesh or maybe even the Lotus sutra. For now I will simplify my journey, both spiritual and physical.
Also, I’ve decided to return to veganism. I will do baby steps. Being a vegetarian is easy for me. So I will resume that path and step by step eliminate dairy. Especially since dairy and pcos doesn’t get along well. I know this will be a struggle for me ultimately because my boyfriend enjoys the S.A.D. lifestyle. In many ways us living together has been my downfall as far as my health is concerned. I will do my best regardless.