I honestly don’t know where to start hmm… so married life has been intense and I was slightly unprepared for the eventual culture clash. However, I have adjusted and embraced his Igbo culture. Having been raised by an American mom and a Zimbabwean father, I’ve always been around various ethnicities and cultures. Surprisingly, I’d never met an Igbo person. So my husband is my first. He’s extremely traditional and a very proud Aro Igbo. These few months have been exciting, liberating, depressing and tumultuous. We married in February. It was a small civil ceremony. I desired a really big lavish wedding, but after finding out his mother and brother wouldn’t be able to fly over, we decided to keep it simple and have a big ceremony in the future when his family will be able to attend. A few weeks after being married, I discovered I was pregnant. The joy I felt I can’t describe. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. My husband and I celebrated with family and friends. Everything was perfect. Then on April 11th, in room 13, at 13 weeks, I miscarried triplets. I was beyond devastated. All I could do was cry. There was no comforting me. I locked myself away for weeks. My heart, my soul, my spirit was broken. I didn’t believe I’d recover. In fact, I wanted to die. Life without my angels seemed useless. Eventually, I decided to pray, chant, and write. With the support of family and friends I regained a little composure. I’m still grieving but as of today I feel comfort in knowing that I got to briefly experience something so magical. So I’m grateful for those wonderful 13 weeks and all of the morning sickness. My husband didn’t handle things well either. Which is understandable. We have been working hard to get back on track. I believe through tragedy we often find a deeper respect for life. So I’m blessed to continue on this journey and experience all the wonders of life.
Of course, I have to post a few pictures of the past few months.
This is me at 10 weeks and I looked 6 months lol.
Wedding day selfie
Frank and I, on Easter Sunday at Moody Gardens Rainforest Pyramid.
Civil ceremony on February 16th
My current look
My sweetheart Blue
My little man, Beamer
So many things have transpired in my life the last 2 weeks so this will be a lengthy post. I spent the holiday season mostly being sick and depressed. The sickness was due to symptoms of PCOS. Which had a trickle down effect and ultimately I ended up very depressed.
I have made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle in the pursuit of healing. At the end of October I actually had lost nearly 40lbs . So I was feeling great. Then I decided to visit my doctor for a routine check up and blood work. Well needless to say he convinced me to try a medicine that supposedly has been helping many women with Pcos. So I decided to try it for 2 weeks. After a week and a half I turned green, had extreme fatigue, and thought I was dying. After some additional research I only found one other person who had the same reaction. I immediately stopped all meds, spoke to my doctor and went on a detox. After nearly 3 months my color is almost back to normal. I’m still dealing with fatigue but it will pass soon. So my holiday was beyond depressing and for the first time in years I wanted to just give up. I’m so exhausted of being sick.
However, on new years day I turned 33 and my dad told me something that really made me smile. He said ” You’re my hero and this world is blessed to have you “. Honestly, I never knew my dad thought so highly of me. After spending nearly the whole day with my parents, I felt encouraged and inspired. Their perspective of me is drastically different from what I see. So I’ve decided to make some goals for the year. My main goal has always been my health but this year I’m going to focus more on being happy regardless of my circumstances. I guess you could say my year ended on a good note. A friend posted the image below on Facebook and as usual I decided to share.
Also thank you all so very much for your loving support. You are truly appreciated.
First, and foremost, I’ d like to thank you all for liking and following my blog. To my new followers, I hope my blog inspires and motivates you to pursue your dreams.
This is very true. Why do we as humans cling to that which is harmful? I believe some of us feel we don’t deserve better. I know from my personal experiences I have done this many times. Whether it is the job I hate, a broken relationship or bad eating habits. I remember a few years ago I was working in a pharmacy as a legal drug pusher. I kept thinking to myself, “Wow, these drugs are suppose to help people, but instead they create more problems”. At that time I was actually preparing to become a pharmacist, but my ethics, morality and overall feelings were I really wouldn’ t be helping people. The more I learned about the various drugs, I was convinced more than half of them should be pulled from the market. So I had a serious dilemma. I needed the job and also I had invested so much money and time going to school. So after months passed by and I started hating myself for knowingly causing harm to people. So after about 6 months I had enough. I turned in my resignation and spoke to the head pharmacist about everything. She told me that after sometime you grow numb to thoughts like that and it’s not our fault the doctors don’t know nor understand the harm of certain medications. Also they get paid by the pharmaceutical companies to write prescriptions, so it’s a source of income for them. She tried to talk me out of resigning, and after an hour I knew for certain I didn’t want to become numb to killing people. So I resigned and never looked back. Sure I miss the money, but I am happy with my decision. I was making myself sick over it all and soon as I walked out of the pharmacy I felt a hundred times better.
So to me this is what the above quote is about. If you are not happy in your life then make changes. Figure out what is best for you. What do you aspire to do,to live, to be? If you are not doing what you truly desire then find a way to do it. Create a plan and stick with it. You can do it. You can totally transform your life. I’m a walking example of that. One day I will share more of my life story, and perhaps it will inspire someone. Trust me, my transformation is far from over, but I am confident that I will live my dreams.