I’ve managed to successfully lose nearly a hundred 100lbs this past year. Several things have changed in my pursuit of getting healthy. I have been following a ketogenic plan recommended by my doctor. So far it has been the best decision I’ve made. My lab work improved and my hormones are balanced. Although, I suffer from reactive hypoglycemia my insulin resistance is still an issue. My glucose is always between 80-90, but my body continues over producing insulin. Hopefully, overtime my pancreas will get the memo and behave normally lol.
These are a few selfies I’ve taken in the past few months. My face is slimmer.
Oh yeah, I’ll post pictures of my latest crochet project I’m working on. It’s about half way finished. It’s a baby/toddler blanket made of wool/cashmere blended yarn.
This is before I started adding in the black.
So many things have transpired in my life the last 2 weeks so this will be a lengthy post. I spent the holiday season mostly being sick and depressed. The sickness was due to symptoms of PCOS. Which had a trickle down effect and ultimately I ended up very depressed.
I have made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle in the pursuit of healing. At the end of October I actually had lost nearly 40lbs . So I was feeling great. Then I decided to visit my doctor for a routine check up and blood work. Well needless to say he convinced me to try a medicine that supposedly has been helping many women with Pcos. So I decided to try it for 2 weeks. After a week and a half I turned green, had extreme fatigue, and thought I was dying. After some additional research I only found one other person who had the same reaction. I immediately stopped all meds, spoke to my doctor and went on a detox. After nearly 3 months my color is almost back to normal. I’m still dealing with fatigue but it will pass soon. So my holiday was beyond depressing and for the first time in years I wanted to just give up. I’m so exhausted of being sick.
However, on new years day I turned 33 and my dad told me something that really made me smile. He said ” You’re my hero and this world is blessed to have you “. Honestly, I never knew my dad thought so highly of me. After spending nearly the whole day with my parents, I felt encouraged and inspired. Their perspective of me is drastically different from what I see. So I’ve decided to make some goals for the year. My main goal has always been my health but this year I’m going to focus more on being happy regardless of my circumstances. I guess you could say my year ended on a good note. A friend posted the image below on Facebook and as usual I decided to share.
Also thank you all so very much for your loving support. You are truly appreciated.
Today…hmmm…what can I say it’s been a quiet adventure. I tried to spend an hour chanting today. For whatever reason I just couldn’t focus. I guess it was all the wierd dreams I had that really was distracting me. Why would there be green beans and potatoes be under the hood of a red mustang?? I feel like my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something. Hmm….something like hey check under your hood before you start your car. Oh that’s right, I don’t own a car. Maybe it’s related to this new journey I’m starting. Either way it was a strange dream that has had me puzzled all day.
Ok so back to the chanting, I managed to do 30 min. My beloved lil fluffy man Gaara decided he wanted to chant too. So needless to say he climbs into my lap and starts meowing constantly. So finally I finish,look down and pet him. Oh, you didn’t want to chant, you say, you wanted to play with my ear gauges…lol. Ok here’s the brief back story. A few days ago I wake up and find one of my plugs is missing from my ear. I look in and around the bed for it, but no luck. So I put in some tiger’s eye plugs and move on with my day. Then around noon, my lil fluffy is seen spinning something around on the bathroom floor. He’s going crazy, running everywhere, having the time of his life. Guess what his new toy is? Yep, that’s right my jade plug. So after he goes to re-hydrate I decide to clean it and put it with the other one. This morning, I decided to put my jade plugs in. I guess Gaara isn’t having it. So I’m back to one jade plug, til my order comes in. Can you say spoiled kitty:)
Today I also had the best peaches ever. I felt like, hey I can be a fruitarian, but my body said”No way”. Needless to say after 2 peaches I hurt all over…Damn you insulin resistance and PCOS. So I have to limit even the good stuff. Perhaps one day I’ll be allowed in peach heaven:)
After my brief despair I started reading the Tao of Pooh. Why, you may ask? Well isn’t obvious…who doesn’t love Winnie? I’ve read this book twice and it always makes me smile. It’s a good read as well. After my tango with Winnie, I moved on to the salsa with Osho and started reading Above all Don’t Wobble. So far it has been a good read. It has already forced me to look at the chic in the mirror. It’s time to dump some luggage and pack lite. So I need to simplify my life. Devote myself totally to this process. No half stepping. Now I’m rewriting my agenda,and goals. I know one thing for sure…well several things actually.
1. I’m going to Greece
2. I’m going to follow a healthy vegan lifestyle
3. I need to remove toxic people from my life
4. I have to lose weight
5. No more excuses
6. I come first
7. I’m moving…I need adventure,culture,laughter,love and a healthy environment.
So those are the things I figured out today. I’ve been procrastinating and putting aside my life for my family,a broken relationship and fear.
These are so motivating for me. At the least it gives me a different perspective on my life,journey and ultimately the path I have chosen to take. Even though I am feeling unwell,I am going to focus on moving forward,acceptance,and self love. Today I will get back to chanting the Gayatri mantra. It is the first mantra I learned several years ago. Over the last few months I have truly slacked off due to depression and stress. I have learned many Buddhist, andHindu mantras through the years. I figured something out only recently…I need to focus on one thing at a time. So I’m devoted to chanting the Gayatri mantra for the next 6 months. After that maybe I will chant the Moola,Shiva,Ganesh or maybe even the Lotus sutra. For now I will simplify my journey, both spiritual and physical.
Also, I’ve decided to return to veganism. I will do baby steps. Being a vegetarian is easy for me. So I will resume that path and step by step eliminate dairy. Especially since dairy and pcos doesn’t get along well. I know this will be a struggle for me ultimately because my boyfriend enjoys the S.A.D. lifestyle. In many ways us living together has been my downfall as far as my health is concerned. I will do my best regardless.
Today has been another miserable day. I have been nauseated and in pain for 2 days now.with no relief in sight. Pcos has truly destroyed my life. I’m tired of living this way. I’ve tried so many different paths to heal my body, but none work long term it seems. I’ve lost my life to pcos. It feels like everytime I try to push forward and be positive, I find myself home,sick in bed or at the hospital. I’m exhausted of this life. Heck, I’m exhausted of life period. I keep asking “myself why do I continue on?” The answer, for my family. What would they do without me? My mom,dad,and brother are all I really have. I can’t forget my dear friend John. He’s been a light to me on my darkest days. Anyways, for today I will sleep. Yes sleep, it’s my one comfort since I’m trying to get over my food addiction. At least when I’m asleep,there’s no thoughts, no depression, and no stress. Admittedly, my dreams can be crazy, confusing and sadly often come true. I think I need a vacation from myself. Somewhere far away, perhaps in another galaxy. Or just maybe some wonderful creature will steal me away oneday. Wishful thinking I know, but all I have is my thoughts, and dreams. Until I find myself asleep I guess I’ll continue my Forensic Files and Snapped marathon. There’s some truly crazy people out there. Well maybe evil is a better word since I consider myself a little crazy sometimes.